really? mark driscoll wants to teach you (that is, men) to ‘lead’?

Pastor Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Church

Pastor Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Church in what is *not* a mugshot.

seriously. just watch this video. just watch it. maybe move a trash can next to your computer, or better yet, take your laptop to the toilet, just in case you get the sudden urge to vomit.

matthew paul turner at jesus needs new pr puts it this way:

Pastor Mark wants to help YOU look tired and drained like him–as well as 9,999 other men in ministry!

And all of this is for free (all you need is a penis!)

But you have to sign up! Because if 10,000 people don’t sign up for this adventure, he won’t do it.

And what an adventure of rejoicing it will be… for a young Calvinist, this will be like getting spanked by Jonathan Edwards…

Via YouTube videos and other exclusive content, Pastor Mark will take you to Ireland with him… and England… and Turkey… and to Orlando with RC Sproul. You’ve always wanted to go to Orlando with RC Sproul, right?

Do you want Mark to teach you how to lead?

the video really is an exercise in, “see, i’m not really all that educated, and god talks audibly to me, and i’m a leader, and i get to hang out with cool people (read my full bio and see how much i brag about how many people follow me on twitter), and i know you want to be like me, so instead of educating yourself in the proper sense and going to college and to seminary and doing graduate degrees in ancient languages and biblical literature (because that stuff’s way too hard!), just sign up for my videos (that is, if you’re male and therefore eligible to be a leader) and i’ll teach you how to lead.

seriously, i especially loved these tidbits from the bio:

  • Preaching magazine named him one of the twenty-five most influential preachers of the last twenty-five years. (He was #17 and the youngest person on the list by over a decade.)
  • He has preached on every continent except South America and Antarctica.
  • His sermons are regularly near or at the top of iTunes’ Religion and Spirituality podcasts
  • He can also be found on Twitter and Facebook (with over 110,000 combined followers and fans) [seriously, that's on his C.V.]
  • an iPhone app (downloaded by 37,000 people)

so watch the video, and ponder these questions while you do:

  1. really? ‘backstage’ at mars hill church?
  2. really? there are leaders around the world that could benefit from you?
  3. really? leadership coaching with me (mark driscoll)?
  4. really? ‘tell you whatever it is i’m learning at that time’? wouldn’t i rather learn from your teacher? (strike that actually, nevermind.)
  5. really? thing that ‘leaders need to know’ like ‘how to recover on mondays when you feel like you’ve been hit like a truck’? really? what are you, picking grapes all day? laying bricks? doing construction? you’re a preacher. you stand up and speak for an hour on sunday. i know preaching creates a bit of stress on monday, and that there’s more to it than sunday, but really? you got ‘hit by a truck’?? i have some friends in the central valley of california who might have some comments about what ‘hard work’ really is.
  6. really? ‘what’s it like to be a pastor’s wife’? really? so women aren’t eligible to be leaders/pastors? what if your wife is the pastor? (like me) and only on sundays? what about the rest of the week? how does she handle being married to you on those days?
  7. really? ‘how to handle people needing you‘? really?
  8. really? paul had a doctor? and it was luke??!! seriously? what is this, free-association fundamentalist harmonization hour?
  9. really? saving your house? saving your marriage? saving your voice? that makes you a leader: knowing how to save your voice??
  10. really? these are the things that [male] leaders need to know?
  11. really? do we really get to watch ‘people come into town to meet with you’? please?
  12. really? you never know who you’re going to bump into?? (unless you ask your booking agent?? – click here to fill out mark driscoll’s ‘speaker request form’ or view his speaking calendar.) really, ‘never know who you’re going to bump into’?
  13. really? you don’t want to be arrogant about it, but you want to help me?
  14. really? starting in january, we can get ‘backstage, behind the scenes’ videos? featuring you?

and note to self when making podcasts: LOOK AT THE CAMERA, not at yourself on the screen! i can’t watch this video without thinking the entire time that he’s watching himself while he talks on his mac. watch his eyes. lol.

so if you want to learn all the important things about being a leader like mark driscoll, like how to handle ‘people needing you’ (see the 1:39 mark in the video), then sign up. because the world needs more white, male leaders like mark driscoll (as difficult as that can be). just remember, make sure you bring your testicles, because every fundamentalist knows that it is in the testicles where the leadership authority of the holy spirit truly resides.

view the ‘unlisted’ video here (what are you hiding?):

HT: matthew paul turner

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19 Responses

  1. This made my morning. I almost choked on my coffee from laughing so hard.

    I try to ignore Driscoll, but living in Seattle, it’s so hard to do.

  2. fundamentalism dressed as hip northwest edgy is still fundamentalism.

  3. Great points!

    And thanks for the linkage.

    And uh… I’m not looking at myself as write this comment…

  4. lol. great find and great points on your end. -bc

  5. WOW! He’s a talking penis.

  6. It’s funny how some people think that because they like movies and music they are not fundies, it’s a shame…thanks for the laugh!

  7. fundamentalism may wear edgy clothes, but it’s still fundamentalism.

  8. Mark Driscoll is down to earth and speaks from his heart. He can relate to the dude that works a 9 to 5 job. Christianity needs more pastors like Mark Driscoll!!

  9. “Mark Driscoll is down to earth and speaks from his heart. ”

    ughh? Is this code for MD doesn’t think about what he’s saying.

  10. Another classic from Mark “Fellatio” Driscoll.

  11. [...] Bob Cargill has noticed how awful Mark Driscoll’s use of the Bible and scholarship is. His own comment is even more worth reading than the main post. I drew attention to the weirdness of Drsicoll’s “blow-jobs for Jesus” sermon and Bartholomew’s original report back in June last year. [...]

  12. just remember, make sure you bring your testicles, because every fundamentalist knows that it is in the testicles where the leadership authority of the holy spirit truly resides.

    Doesn’t that sound like something you’d expect from a phallus-worshipping fertility cult?

  13. [...] (Campbell-approves-the-instrument) Cargill has recently discovered Mark Driscoll, and he isn’t impressed! His most recent post, “how not to [...]

  14. [...] Cargill discovered Mark Driscoll, and Driscoll’s trinitarian reading of Genesis/Targum Neofiti really set him [...]

  15. It is biblical leaders like you that are tearing down American Christianity. Driscoll is leading thousands to Christ while still holding a orthodox view of theology and the scriptures. You on the other hand are not, what you are doing is slowly tearing away the rock of doctrine, stripping it away until it is measly pebble that is “culturally relevant”.

    A strong, orthodox view of doctrine is the only thing that will hold Christianity together, all the rest will continue to slowly fade away.

    “The world should realize with increased clearness that Evangelicalism stands or falls with Calvinism.”
    - B.B. Warfield

    p.s.- Anyone can write a blog smashing another person

  16. and what if letting conservative evangelical xnty fall is not such a bad thing? why continue to prop up something that is obviously unsustainable? a faith based upon a doctrine of scriptural inerrancy will fail, because only cognitive dissonance will allow someone to hold such a view while ignoring the obvious.

    and, no, a strong, orthodox view of doctrine is not the only thing that will hold christianity together, as if we humans don’t figure out every last theological detail, the faith will cease. i think service has a lot to do with the success and survival and relevance of the church, as does, oh… i don’t know… christ (that is, if you believe jesus is actually the head of his church… ;-)

    please tell me: where in matt 25:31-46 does doctrine weigh into the equation?
    does 1 cor. 13:13 say, ‘and now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is doctrine‘?
    if your faith is rooted in doctrine, and not primarily in feeding the hungry, visiting the sick, clothing the naked, offering that cup of cold water, faith, hope, and love, you’re wasting your time. service trumps doctrine every single time.

    as for driscoll, i’m sure he’s a nice enough guy. as he has said about others with whom he disagrees, ‘he loves jesus,’ so i’ve no problem with him as a person. but i do have serious concerns over his doctrinal views (as he certainly does with me), specifically with his view on the role of women, his double predestination, and his attempts to use scholarship to bolster views that only a few conservative scholars hold. but i can like someone as a person and adamantly disagree with him doctrinally at the same time. it’s called scholarship.

    thanx for your comments. -bc

  17. Wow – ‘all you need is a penis’!
    That’s really christian. Well done guys, puts a lot of credit on your side don’t you think?

    You have no idea of who God is or what He is like if you make comments like this on a ‘christian’ blog.

    Man, you guys should be ashamed to joke like this and then walk around calling yourself Christians.

    And to bobcargill, answer – faith in what? hope in what? Love what? … Turns out your over your head deep in doctrine as soon as you answer!
    Doctrine just means teaching, your boasting of having no need for teaching! Real smart.

  18. Am just reading your book, ‘the coffeehouse gospel,’ which got some great points by d way. However am embarrassed at your blog, you seriously need an examine yourself. I know you disagree with Mark on wot u consider ‘critical issues’ but still those excuses do not justify yo response. You are throwing a stone at Mark’s glasshouse, look closely at your reflection

  19. You are welcome to be as embarrassed as you’d like. And as grammar an orthography generally reflect one’s level of education, I fully expect you to be a supporter of Driscoll.

    Cheers, bc

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