Lidge is studying online for a degree in it from Regis University, a Jesuit college in Denver, Colo.
i like brad lidge. he seems like a nice enough guy. as a former baseball player, i can appreciate a man that wants to prepare for life after baseball. and as one who travels to a new town every night, i can’t begrudge someone who is taking online courses from regis university. those of us with advanced degrees from major universities may me tempted to look down on him, but i applaud him for being interested in education and trying to better himself while he makes a living as a professional athlete. it is certainly better than dog fighting, drunk driving, or shooting yourself in the leg.
now because he is a pitcher, i’m guessing they started him in the introductory courses (which are probably taught by catchers ;- ). and as a former catcher, who has successfully transitioned into life as an archaeologist, i’d like to offer mr. lidge some advice about the differences between baseball and archaeology:
- you no longer have to dig the dirt out with your cleats. you may now use a trowel.
- ‘dig dig dig’ no longer means ‘run quickly.’ dig means dig. when doing archaeology in israel, the proper way to say ‘run quickly’ is, ‘holy sh!t! hezbullah is bombing us again. yallah! yallah! yallah!’
- a balk is no longer a bad thing, in fact, a well-trimmed balk is a great source of much pride.
- sledge handles are just like baseball bats: if you jam yourself when you swing, they will break.
- the flight from los angeles to new york is exactly the same as the flight from los angeles to tel aviv: kosher food, heavy security, and few people speak english on arrival. no difference.
- dugout humor is just as raunchy as square humor, except girls are telling the dirty jokes.
- unlike baseball, where the radar measures the speed of a pitch, radar in archaeology measures what’s under the ground.
- a pick off is no longer an attempt to get the runner at first base out. it means the head of your pick has fallen off, probably because the four nails you drove into the handle with a piece of basalt are bent and rusted out.
- baseball is a game of inches; archaeology is a game of centimeters.
- like baseball, you must always wear your hat and gloves.
- like baseball, if you don’t get dirty, you didn’t put in a full day’s work.
so kudos to brad lidge for beginning his biblical archaeology degree while he is still making millions as a ball player. maybe next year, the jaffa cultural heritage project will get a baseball-related sponsor: the red man tobacco excavations at jaffa.
and if you need a tutor in your studies, i’m here to help. if i can help internationally acclaimed movie star and devout catholic nicole kidman with her biblical studies, then i can help you, mr. lidge, transition from baseball to archaeology.
(here’s some extra credit: can anyone come up with more similarities between baseball and archaeology? if so, put them in the comments box below.)