the shang ring: where was this when abraham was around?

ShangRing

The ShangRingTM is a Disposable Micro-injury Peritomy Anastomosis Device which has patented internationally. This device is used for male circumcision of redundant phimosis and prepuce.

a new device may have made conversion to judaism a bit easier in abraham’s time.

doctors around the world are praising the schlong shangringtm or technically a “disposable micro-injury peritomy anastomosis device.” it is a chinese-developed device, which makes circumcision painless and easy. this is no joke: the bill and melinda gates foundation will invest about 4 million dollars into studying the device.

how does it work?

The ShangRing consists of two plastic rings, one slightly smaller than the other, that trap the foreskin in between them. With the use of some anesthesia, the foreskin can then be snipped off without major bleeding or stitches. The device is kept on for 10 days to allow the wound to heal.

so no more pain and knives, just the slow process of placing a ring on a portion of your package until numb, then cutting it off. plus, you get to wear a decorative piece of jewelry for ten days. (wearing it beyond that is optional.) the result is a “willy nihilly.”

but in addition to the reduction in pain, the reason for the shang ring’s popularity in africa is its effectiveness in fighting hiv and aids.

Scientists think circumcision reduces the chances of HIV infection because the foreskin is particularly susceptible to HIV.

while not as effective as wearing a condom (or not having sex with multiple partners), studies show circumcision helps against contracting aids. of course, there’s always someone who doesn’t quite get it:

Experts are also concerned men who get circumcised will mistakenly think they are immune to HIV. That was the case for Samson Agalo, a bicycle taxi operator from Kisumu, Kenya, who recently had a circumcision — and has been having sex with multiple partners ever since. “After going for the cut, you don’t need condoms,” he said.

so the question is, with man’s obsession with his member for all these years, why didn’t this come along sooner? why couldn’t god have told abraham in genesis 17:9-10:

As for you, you must keep my covenant, you and your descendants after you for the generations to come. This is my covenant with you and your descendants after you, the covenant you are to keep: Every male among you shall wear the ring. And one ring shall rule them all.

and i’m guessing the shechemites in genesis 34 were wishing they had this handy device. and of course, the egyptians may have experimented with the shang ring, as this doctored relief found in an egyptian tomb built for ankhmabor in saqqara dating to around 2400 bce demonstrates.

A hypothetical reconstruction of the relief found in an Egyptian tomb built for Ankhmabor in Saqqara dating to around 2400 BCE, had the Egyptians had the ShangRing. This image displays an Egyptian circumcision.

"With this ring, I thee circumcise." This image displays a hypothetical Egyptian circumcision had the Egyptians had the ShangRing. The original relief (sans the ShangRing) was found in an Egyptian tomb built for Ankhmabor in Saqqara dating to around 2400 BCE.

4 Responses

  1. My oh my! I am not sure what else to say to this.

  2. I believe some of those men tried to circumvent circumcision with some circumlocution. Does the ring come in a variety of circumferences? Under what circumstances is it best to circumscribe your best friend. I would also like to know what the “margin of error” % might be. Some of us can stand more error than others. (I’m asking for a friend, not for myself. I’m 84years old.)

  3. Wincibly funny!! :)

  4. “the reason for the shang ring’s popularity in africa is its effectiveness in fighting hiv and aids.” Please provide references to the clinical trials that have demonstrated the effectiveness of the Shangring in fighting HIV/AIDS. I don’t think you will find any.

    There were three trials in different parts of Africa that found that less than two years after circumcising 5,400 men (some with forceps, some by sleeve resection) that 64 of them had HIV, 73 fewer than a control group left intact. And that’s all there is. Not double blinded (of course), not placebo-controlled, but hyped beyond all reasonable bounds. Those 73 men (who may have HIV by now) have been turned into “millions could be saved”. Well I’m not from Missouri, but I’ll believe it when I see it..

    As for G_d, why couldn’t he have said “You don’t have to, just testing” the way he reportedly did when Isaac was 13?

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