pole dancing for jesus. seriously.

Looking for the latest, greatest way to get people in the church door and stay in shape? and try out for the role of Charlie Sheen’s next girlfriend? How about a pole dancing for Jesus ministry.

As Crystal Deans, owner/instructor of Best Shape of Your Life, explains:

“On Sundays, we do pole fitness for Jesus. We do the upbeat contemporary Christian music because people have to bring their church program to get into the class, so we basically are just continuing the whole worship thing here.”

Exactly. Because pop and dance music are sinful. So, when they do their pole dancing(!), they use upbeat contemporary Christian music. It’s the upbeat contemporary Christian music makes it “Christian.” And, evidence of being a Christian is provided by the possession of a “church program,” which makes this the continuation of, like, “the whole worship thing.”

Because when you go to worship, you want to make sure to work your core and your glutes.

I shake my head. Where is the Church Lady when you need her?

HT: Scott Bailey

7 Responses

  1. I support pole dancing as long as it’s for procreative purposes only.

  2. I saw this comment elsewhere, “If you must believe in something, believe in Pole Fitness For Jesus.”

  3. […] Just when you thought it was safe to get back in the baptismal water comes a whole new horror story (HT Bob Cargill). […]

  4. the second they start dancing around a cross, someone should tell them they’re idoits.

  5. Well, now we know what Rick Pino was Prophesying with his “You Spin Me Round Spin Me Round Round Jeesus Round Round”…

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