still one of my favorite onion articles: intelligent falling

Rev. Gabriel Burdett explains Intelligent Falling.  © Copyright 2012, Onion, Inc. All rights reserved.

Rev. Gabriel Burdett explains Intelligent Falling.
© Copyright 2012, Onion, Inc. All rights reserved.

It’s a classic Onion article, but still one of my favorites: “Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New ‘Intelligent Falling’ Theory.”

It really sums up the “Intelligent Design” argument, and I especially love some of the titles of the professors. Note also the graphic, which has the “Intelligent Designer” flicking falling objects off their potential energy table.

Enjoy!

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REPORT: 2.5 Million British Men Too Fat To See Their Penis

Dickey-DoNews from the UK is probably not what they want to hear: 2.5 Million British Men Too Fat To See Their Penis.

New research issued by weight-management specialists LighterLife reveals that one in ten British men are unable to see their penis because of their protruding bellies.

The research into the health of the nation’s men revealed that of those people, 43% hadn’t seen their penis in the last two years, without looking in a mirror or bending over, whilst 16% were unable to remember the last time they saw it.

Seriously, this reads more like an Onion article than an actual research study. Yet, here it is.

BTW – in Fresno, we call it a “dickey-do,” because a man’s gut sticks out farther than he dickey do.

minimalism exposes so-called ancient greeks too

Scholars admit making up 'Ancient Greece'apparently, the ancient israelites are not the only ones that did not exist. according to a recent article in the onion, the ancient greeks didn’t exist either. in fact, the entire ancient greek culture was a giant hoax.

According to Haddlebury, the idea of inventing a wholly fraudulent ancient culture came about when he and other scholars realized they had no idea what had actually happened in Europe during the 800-year period before the Christian era.

Frustrated by the gap in the record, and finding archaeologists to be “not much help at all,” they took the problem to colleagues who were then scrambling to find a way to explain where things such as astronomy, cartography, and democracy had come from.

Within hours the greatest and most influential civilization of all time was born.

“One night someone made a joke about just taking all these ideas, lumping them together, and saying the Greeks had done it all 2,000 years ago,” Haddlebury said. “One thing led to another, and before you know it, we’re coming up with everything from the golden ratio to the Iliad.”

i enjoyed this one… ;-)

a satire for creation literalists

Lord God, Creator of All, caught thousands of Sumerian farmers and mathematicians somewhat off guard.

in perhaps one of the greatest news websites on earth, the onion posted an article entitled, ‘sumerians look on in confusion as god creates world,’ which juxtaposes the supposed chronology of a literal six-day creation from the bible with archaeological evidence of sumerians, who existed more than a thousand years earlier than the supposed creation of the earth. it’s worth a read for the humor, but also to highlight the fact that so few people are even aware that ancient cultures existed and even thrived before the supposed 4004 bce creation of the earth.

(just a note of clarification: the sumerians are real. they existed long before bishop ussher dated the creation of the earth to 4004 bce. the joke is that we have modern, archaeological, factual, real, verifiable evidence of sumerians working, reproducing, writing, and thriving long before 4000 bce, the supposed creation of the earth.)

enjoy

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