BWAHAHAHA! How to write a praise song (in 5 minutes or less)

This is such a perfect (and unfortunately, true) satire of what passes today for Christian praise music, it must be viewed by all.

The beauty (and power) of this brilliant and clever video is that it’s dead on the money. The unimaginative, grammatically ignorant, theologically defunct tripe that passes for “worship music” today is parodied perfectly by Garrett Vandenberg.

Watch it and lament what has become of contemporary worship music.

how not to worship

as many know, i have no problem with making one’s worship service relevant. likewise, i do feel that modern manifestations of corporate worship need to be open to change and movement away from the same ol’ ‘three songs and a prayer’ worship to which many have become accustomed. additionally, most know that i am all about opening any belief up to discussion and critical examination in order educate others and understand why some people believe what they believe. we must regularly examine every claim to determine whether certain claims and traditions are worth maintaining.

that said, there is a part of what has come to be called ’emergent’ church – particularly with regard to what passes for ‘worship’ these days – that i protest. let’s set aside the highly problematic theological chum that is thrown to the eager audiences that are typically neither educated about the text or context of the bible, nor the practical manifestation in one’s life of what the text actually says.

case in point: ’emergent’ worship. the only thing more nauseating than watching people worship like this is attempting to strip the instrumental music out of it and sing it in an a cappella setting. it’s bad enough to watch this overly dramatic, substance-lacking drivel on its own. it’s even more difficult to watch some attempt to force this into an a cappella woship service. it’s enough to want to make one swear off modern christian pop music altogether in favor of primus and damien rice.

but now, finally, someone has done us the service of making a video that illustrates all that is wrong about the modern worship process. give me substance. give me debate. give me coordinated opportunities to serve. but do not, under any circumstance, give me this, uneducated, substance-lacking, pop psychological, overly emotional, guilt-exploiting, desperate attempt to make up for a lack of leadership and theological understanding by popularizing worship. i’m not saying i like boring, old-fashioned, ‘the way we’ve always done it’ services either, but lights, amps, and long, dramatic pauses do not cover up the long term effects brought about by lack of substance and relevance that a deeply held understanding of one’s faith and commitment to service to others brings.

the more christianity resembles a bad pop concert, the less truly relevant it will be come in the lives of people.

with that, here’s how not to worship:

n.b. the best part of the video is the hebrew tattoo, which unlike mine, says: vayhi, which means, ‘and it came to pass…’

this cracked me up because the same letters (yod, heh, and waw) are used to spell the divine name, thus adding to the mockery by implying that most people who get hebrew tattoos don’t actually know how to read the hebrew on their arm. so people trying to put the name of god on their arm end up with ‘and it came to pass…’

and for the record, ויהי is the qal imperfect (waw consecutive) third masculine singular apocopated of the hebrew verb היה meaning ‘to be’ and thus translating to: ‘and it was’ or ‘and it came to pass…’)

(withholding public hat tip until given permission to post who actually sent this to me, but you know who you are. thanx!)

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