really? mark driscoll wants to teach you (that is, men) to ‘lead’?

Pastor Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Church

Pastor Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Church in what is *not* a mugshot.

seriously. just watch this video. just watch it. maybe move a trash can next to your computer, or better yet, take your laptop to the toilet, just in case you get the sudden urge to vomit.

matthew paul turner at jesus needs new pr puts it this way:

Pastor Mark wants to help YOU look tired and drained like him–as well as 9,999 other men in ministry!

And all of this is for free (all you need is a penis!)

But you have to sign up! Because if 10,000 people don’t sign up for this adventure, he won’t do it.

And what an adventure of rejoicing it will be… for a young Calvinist, this will be like getting spanked by Jonathan Edwards…

Via YouTube videos and other exclusive content, Pastor Mark will take you to Ireland with him… and England… and Turkey… and to Orlando with RC Sproul. You’ve always wanted to go to Orlando with RC Sproul, right?

Do you want Mark to teach you how to lead?

the video really is an exercise in, “see, i’m not really all that educated, and god talks audibly to me, and i’m a leader, and i get to hang out with cool people (read my full bio and see how much i brag about how many people follow me on twitter), and i know you want to be like me, so instead of educating yourself in the proper sense and going to college and to seminary and doing graduate degrees in ancient languages and biblical literature (because that stuff’s way too hard!), just sign up for my videos (that is, if you’re male and therefore eligible to be a leader) and i’ll teach you how to lead.

seriously, i especially loved these tidbits from the bio:

  • Preaching magazine named him one of the twenty-five most influential preachers of the last twenty-five years. (He was #17 and the youngest person on the list by over a decade.)
  • He has preached on every continent except South America and Antarctica.
  • His sermons are regularly near or at the top of iTunes’ Religion and Spirituality podcasts
  • He can also be found on Twitter and Facebook (with over 110,000 combined followers and fans) [seriously, that’s on his C.V.]
  • an iPhone app (downloaded by 37,000 people)

so watch the video, and ponder these questions while you do:

  1. really? ‘backstage’ at mars hill church?
  2. really? there are leaders around the world that could benefit from you?
  3. really? leadership coaching with me (mark driscoll)?
  4. really? ‘tell you whatever it is i’m learning at that time’? wouldn’t i rather learn from your teacher? (strike that actually, nevermind.)
  5. really? thing that ‘leaders need to know’ like ‘how to recover on mondays when you feel like you’ve been hit like a truck’? really? what are you, picking grapes all day? laying bricks? doing construction? you’re a preacher. you stand up and speak for an hour on sunday. i know preaching creates a bit of stress on monday, and that there’s more to it than sunday, but really? you got ‘hit by a truck’?? i have some friends in the central valley of california who might have some comments about what ‘hard work’ really is.
  6. really? ‘what’s it like to be a pastor’s wife’? really? so women aren’t eligible to be leaders/pastors? what if your wife is the pastor? (like me) and only on sundays? what about the rest of the week? how does she handle being married to you on those days?
  7. really? ‘how to handle people needing you‘? really?
  8. really? paul had a doctor? and it was luke??!! seriously? what is this, free-association fundamentalist harmonization hour?
  9. really? saving your house? saving your marriage? saving your voice? that makes you a leader: knowing how to save your voice??
  10. really? these are the things that [male] leaders need to know?
  11. really? do we really get to watch ‘people come into town to meet with you’? please?
  12. really? you never know who you’re going to bump into?? (unless you ask your booking agent?? – click here to fill out mark driscoll’s ‘speaker request form’ or view his speaking calendar.) really, ‘never know who you’re going to bump into’?
  13. really? you don’t want to be arrogant about it, but you want to help me?
  14. really? starting in january, we can get ‘backstage, behind the scenes’ videos? featuring you?

and note to self when making podcasts: LOOK AT THE CAMERA, not at yourself on the screen! i can’t watch this video without thinking the entire time that he’s watching himself while he talks on his mac. watch his eyes. lol.

so if you want to learn all the important things about being a leader like mark driscoll, like how to handle ‘people needing you’ (see the 1:39 mark in the video), then sign up. because the world needs more white, male leaders like mark driscoll (as difficult as that can be). just remember, make sure you bring your testicles, because every fundamentalist knows that it is in the testicles where the leadership authority of the holy spirit truly resides.

view the ‘unlisted’ video here (what are you hiding?):

HT: matthew paul turner

so here’s my problem with nonsensical charismatic / pentecostal worship

Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him. (Prov. 22:15)

unless, of course, the child’s parents and the church authorities are fools as well, in which case, they have no rod. (they’re welcome to borrow some of mine. there’s plenty.)

i don’t know whether to laugh directly at this kid because this is funny, or be angry with his parents and that church’s leaders for allowing this ridiculous nonsense. the child is obviously emulating what he sees on a sunday morning, which gives me even less comfort. i do not see the value in a style of preaching that is little more than a cheerleader screaming theological palaver in a metered cadence.

seriously, what is this? how is this in any way beneficial, worthwhile, or even spiritual? at least someone had the sense to subtitle it with equally ridiculous, phonetically correct subtitles. allowing children to do childish things in an otherwise sacred setting simply because some think it’s ‘cute’ is sheer stupidity. it reveals the foolish nature of the child’s parents and the church’s leaders. it is sheer and utter nonsense. the parents should be embarrassed and the church’s pastor should be canned.

then again, when church is little more than a pep rally, what can you expect?

i’m a fairly smart guy, but i fail to grasp the purpose and value of dancing like a nut in church. church is not jazzercise. seriously, join a gym. if you’re going to jump around like a jackrabbit that’s gotta pee, at least call it what it is: a show. seriously, get a band and some music and sell some tickets. because that’s what it is.

at least someone had the sense to dub some heavy metal over this nonsense. seriously, when church becomes the place to go for a weekly pick-me-up, both church and parishioner have failed. i suggest you leave that congregation, visit a starbucks to get your shot of espresso, and re-examine your life.

(HT:Jim West)

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